nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
