It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
