your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
