i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
