if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
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gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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