literally had 100 drinks last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
