How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I touched a dick in church today
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
