is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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