my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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