I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
