It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
