He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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