So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
