hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
