drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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