So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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