Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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