shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
