tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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