he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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