I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
