there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
