if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
