Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
