In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
