Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
