And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
