he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
