i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
