I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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