So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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