I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
