I want to have your abortion
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
