Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
