Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize