I will die if light touches me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
