I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
