went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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