Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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