i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
