Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
