I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
