so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
