i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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