You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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