I'm so fucking centered right now
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
