Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
