im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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