working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
