I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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