Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
