Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
