I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
