Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
