Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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