we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
