Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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