why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
