i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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