ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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