You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
