I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
