nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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