It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize