elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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