Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
