Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
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