is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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